The Wall

How does one get into the zone... The point of maximum output as far as the person who is in that state is concerned... Just got into that state after a long time... It's funny how it takes certain things to remind you of who you are and what u can do, no matter how bleak things may look at present.

I realized how many complex constructs the human mind develops in order to justify its existence and take a person forward. For instance, about the question of belief in God. For most people the thought of a divine presence overseeing their actions and dispensing succor in times of need and running life in general takes care of a certain part of their needs. Such needs are in the upper end of the hierarchy of needs so to speak. I used to subscribe to this for a long time, but once I started to think beyond a certain level I stopped taking it too seriously. Not that I'm a atheist or an agnostic, but I've left that question to be thought about for later. What I'm saying is that left a certain void that had to be filled. There come the construct of purpose. I read Ayn rand and felt that the human goal of achievement and purposeful action would lead me to fulfillment. It doesn't end there... In the course of living u realize that it isn't the only thing that matters particularly to the ordinary run of the mill person. Ayn Rand envisioned an ideal man and her vision would best suit one of such caliber. The ordinary human needs much more on a daily basis to keep him going. For instance the quest for acceptance is a powerful drive; Some may profess to be strong and beyond its demands, the lack of acceptance can be found to be a reason for bitterness in those who are truly not free. Id like to sum it up in the dialogue in a movie called revolver:

" There is something about yourself that you don't know. Something you'll deny even exists; until its too late to do anything about it. It's the only reason you get up in the morning. The only reason you suffer the shitty boss, the blood, the sweat and the tears. This is because you want people to know how good, attractive generous, funny, wild and clever you really are. Fear or revere me. But PLEASE think I'm special. We share an addiction. We're approval junkies. We're all in it for the slap on the back... and the gold watch... The hip-hip hoo fuckin rah. Look at the boy with the clever badge... Polishing his trophy... Shine on you crazy diamond... Because we're just monkeys wrapped in suits, begging for the approval of others"

So I was knee deep in this acceptance approval muck for a long time. But it hit me suddenly this semester. Why the fuck care? And I started examining the instances where my actions were involuntarily motivated by the need for acceptance like pretending to be friends with certain people, wasting too much time on superficial things etc. And then I started feeling much much better. The only regret I have is that I didn't go through college with this changed state of mind. Could have done much much better with my time. 2 months left and this is what I keep thinking of from time to time. I had lost quite a bit with regard to my sense of self during a great deal of time I spent here and in the end I have gained more than I have ever had, though it may not be apparent now. What the hell; its only after you have lost everything that you are free to do anything. The funny thing I have learn t in college is that once you are satisfied with yourself you can do anything, even while projecting a certain image while being an entirely different person. You can be different things to different people depending on how much you filter out about yourself. It works wonders. You can relate to almost everyone to a certain extent. Though it doesn't work if you have too many intimate friends. So thats all I have to say for now. I'm in the zone. I have got most of the knots and loose ends in me taken care of and I'm ready for action.

Posted by Peppo at 9:05 PM |